There’s a house that I always visit in my mind. I’ve only ever envisioned the exterior of the house and the driveway leading up to it. It’s a secluded driveway lined with trees huddled together, making the space feel welcoming and secure. The driveway leads to a path to the door, enveloped in the shade of the trees. It’s quiet outside, and it feels like home.
In my daydream, I see the silhouette of my future husband standing next to an older me. We smile as we look on at the place we get to call home. I can’t explain why, but I’m convinced that I’m going to live in that house someday, and that it’s going to be some of the best years of my life.
Maybe my longing for this home speaks to my longing for groundedness. I want to feel like I have somewhere to put down roots, which is a pretty high bar for a young millennial living in Los Angeles. The city’s sprawling layout, egocentric culture, and exorbitant cost of living all work as barriers to owning a home and creating a community.
I recently realized that I’ve never really felt settled here. Moving from dorm to dorm and apartment to apartment seemed to reflect how I felt about every other area of my life. Unable to find my tribe or a partner, hopping between seemingly random jobs, unsure of who I was and what I really wanted.
This is probably the experience of many people in my generation, especially those living in big cities. And there’s not anything wrong with being in this state; seasons like these are inevitable and vital for growth.
However, I find myself longing for a slower pace nowadays. I want to own a small bungalow that I can fill with memories of game nights, dinner parties, and holidays. I want a yard and a porch and a dog to run around. I want a community-centric culture. A smaller church that holds potlucks with a pastor who knows everyone’s name.
It’s funny because this is the same lifestyle that I would have run away from when I was younger. But now it feels like exactly what I need. Like I need to leap from the discomfort I’ve grown comfortable with to finally feel grounded, if even for a moment.
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